I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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