I love black thongs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
