new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
