Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
