you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
