her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
