No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I will be naked everywhere
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
