3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to calm my uterus...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
