No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
