I'm really into asian looking animals
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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