i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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