Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
