You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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