mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
