my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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