i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
