i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
