When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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