I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
