More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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