I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
