Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
