my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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