i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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