oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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