Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
