You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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