dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
