Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
