Girls should come with a carfax report
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
