Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
