And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
