Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
