Can Purell be used as lube?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
