Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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