i permit you to call me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
