Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
