i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
