I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
