Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
