Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
