His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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