I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
