well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
