i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
