I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
