There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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