They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
