Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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