No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
