I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
