I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
