Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
